Why do two people see the same event so differently? As leaders, we’ve all felt it—teams clashing, frustrations brewing, change being resisted— All the while, the project timeline is slipping and the budget is at risk.

In a recent Gartner Peer Community post, leaders shared their one “magic” piece of advice for effectiveness, and a clear theme emerged:

Understanding others’ perspectives is the secret sauce.

The Wisdom of the Crowd

The question was a hit, garnering over 100 responses, and the takeaway was unmistakable: Leadership is a people game.

Active listening topped the charts (33 mentions)— “Listen more than you speak.” or “Listening to understand, not to solve.” It’s not just hearing words; it’s catching the unspoken.

Empathy trailed close behind (19 mentions), with calls to “be human” and “feel what your team feels“.

One response hit the bullseye: “Listen for what’s unspoken—it often holds the key.” That comment resonated with me and sparked my own submission.

That thread got me thinking about my own journey with this idea.

My Lens Moment

For me the big “a-ha!” moment was during a CIO’s (Tom Scott) leadership series many years ago, and it struck a deep chord with me. It was also my contribution to the Gartner discussion. I suppose Tom could have simply said, “perception is reality,” but his clever use of metaphor is what really made it stick with me:

“Everyone sees the world through their own lens—shaped by their unique life experiences and interactions. This lens imparts bias, assumption, and expectation onto reality.

As leaders, we must deepen our empathy to grasp their vantage point, unlocking their goals, fears, and motivations. With this skill, you can recognize where they’re coming from and subsequently steer the conversation for a better outcome.“

We’ve all lived it—two team members sparring over a project deadline, one seeing urgency, the other overload, both convinced they were right. If alignment is the goal, we’ve got to mentally step into their shoes and understand the situation from their perspective.

It’s the difference between a team that battles through a project and one that moves at pace, even accelerating to the end. When we decode other’s perspectives, we align efforts, defuse tensions, and spark real collaboration.

When Your Eyes Are Open

Now here’s where the real power in this teaching is. Something else happens when you start squinting through someone else’s lens: You recognize that you have one too.

It can feel a little like magic when you really hone your empathy skills to read others. But when you get to level 2 and turn your gaze on yourself, that’s where the real magic starts to happen.

Recognizing the shape of your own lens helps you identify and acknowledge your blind spots. By exercising both outward and inward empathy, you can fine-tune both sides of the conversation. Becoming adept at this requires you develop another skill, however- Wrangling your ego.

Your Next Move

The Gartner responses prove that empathy isn’t soft—it’s strategic, turning conflicts into breakthroughs and trust into results.

Here’s your challenge: Next time a team member bristles at feedback or stalls on a task, hit pause. Ask: ‘What’s their lens revealing that I’m missing?’ Then listen—not to reply, but to understand. What will you discover when you try?”

Maybe that they’re stretched thin, or maybe they see risk where you see opportunity. Dig in with curiosity, not judgment. You might unlock a solution neither of you saw coming, for them and for you.